There are a few nerve wracking things in life that are just part of the experience this side of glory:

Job interviews

First dates (kind of the same as the first)

Pap smears

And taxes.

Getting my taxes done was particularly well, taxing this year.  Maybe it’s ’cause I went someplace different to have them done.  Rather than “The Block” taking their chip off my hard earned money, I was at least happy to hear that I could have AARP do my preparations for free.  So on the last day of Spring Break, rather than slipping on a cute swimsuit and cover up, leisurely going down for continental breakfast or picking up some last minute souvenirs–I put on a winter coat and rain boots, grabbed an overly ripe banana, picked up my W2s, and barely made it to the local library for my 10:30am appointment.

A pandemic and several undergrad years ago, I had been to this same library many times.   My second home, I knew the Stepford-ish staff just as well as the water stains on the ceiling.  But today I walked into this state of the art, scholarly space to await my financial fate.  Around me sat a gentleman with the brownest calves and the whitest tube socks, a plethora of Veterans’ baseball caps, walking canes, and a choir of ringtones set loud enough for heaven to hear.  It was me and the seniors.  And I don’t mean high school.

Paul C., a tax aide volunteer with a smooth, pink head the color of bubblegum, relieved me of my clipboard and rescued me from the waiting room.  A walking, breathing (gasping) oxymoron, I was soaking from my mask, hot flashes and prednisone-induced (allergy season) sweat.  I obediently sat down like a kid in a principal’s office .  Like a spelling test, one by one I proudly handed him every document he called out for.  After studying them with no expression, he asked me to have a seat back in the hall for “30 minutes” while he worked his Wizard of Oz magic.  I sat–wishing I had eaten a real breakfast, wondering if I’d have time to stop at the bank before my oil change, and typing this blog on my phone.

I waited.

Hoping I’d soon be seeing green (moolah).

And waited.

Hoping that Paul C. wouldn’t rob Peter, but pay me.

And waited.

Reading what oddly enough, was my assigned Lenten lesson.

In Luke 19, Zacchaeus was a big time tax collector, the chief one.  He was rich.  HIs name means “pure one,” but as an extortioner and schyster, he was anything but.  Like everyone else, he was curious about this Jesus guy who was drawing such a crowd.  He wanted to see Jesus for himself, but because the crowd was so big and he was “Kevin Hart short,” he couldn’t.  He therefore sought, or had to really search to see Him.  He ran ahead, and even climbed into a tree to get a better view.  Jesus looked up, saw Zacchaeus, called out to him and offered to go to his house (Can you imagine Jesus coming to your house?  That’s another story for perhaps another time) .  Zach received Him joyfully, happily.  He accepted Christ as his Saviour, admitted how shady he had been, and even offered to give back that which he had stolen.

I have come up short a lot when it comes to God.  My name, Celeste, means “heavenly,” and let’s just say it’s a constant quest.  My view of Jesus has sometimes been hindered by things around me, my sights on men instead of Him.  But I do so desperately want to see our Lord.  I’m glad that during those times when I am seemingly out of His reach, when I don’t do what I’m supposed to–that He still looks out for me.  He calls me by name and actually wants to hang out with me.

While I was the first person in the makeshift tax waiting room that morning, that afternoon I was the last one called.  Over an hour later, Paul C. led me back into his cubicle and patiently explained that I had provided copies of a couple of the necessary forms, not the originals.  It was ok; he had taken the time to look them up for me.  He had also considered the cost of educator expenses and applied homeowner deductions.  I ended up getting a larger refund than the year before, not to mention none of the ridiculous fees (Thank You Lord!).

I’m sitting here afterward, prepared to give you the most lucrative advice I can offer.  There is no substitute for a relationship with Christ.  It is a must do.  Accepting Him as our Savior is the only way to experience heaven.  Before the deadline, do the necessary; obey the IRS.

Invest in Him.  Receive Him.  Seek Him.

“I am the way the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.”

John 14:6

 

 

As an elementary school teacher and specifically a special education teacher, when considering how to write and teach people about God’s Word I always think of how I would explain it to kids.  And that’s ok, because we are all in fact God’s children.  This is the ultimate story of hide and seek.

In 1 Kings 17:2-4, Elijah was a prophet and miracle worker who lived on the northside.  King Ahab and his wife, Jezebel tried to get the people of Israel to worship Baal, a fertility god believed to produce crops and children.  God confronted them through Elijah and showed and proved that He, not Baal controlled the rain by sending a drought.  And then, in a time when people were without, God instructed Elijah to go within.  Instead of telling Elijah to go and encourage the people with his gift of preaching, He told him to go hide.

2 Then the word of the Lord came to Elijah: 3 “Leave here, turn eastward and hide in the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan. 4 You will drink from the brook, and I have directed the ravens to supply you with food there.”

Way before former First Lady Michelle Obama told us, “When they go low, we go high.” God basically told Elijah to lay low, so that He could lift him high.

Sometimes when God tells us to lay low it doesn’t seem to make sense.  When we’re laid off, but have bills to pay; when a guy leaves, but we gave him everything; when there’s a pandemic, but we had plans…  Forget Baal; God wants us in solitude to produce magnitude.  He wants to protect us, like He was protecting Elijah from Ahab and Jezebel.  But God also wants to prepare us.  He wants us to hide in His presence, to spend time alone with Him, so that we can get to know Him…and ourselves.

Where there used to be a time when there was no talking on the phone, no television and no traffic after a certain hour–now anybody of any age has all access all the time.  In the middle of the night from our pillow, we can connect with someone on the other side of the planet.   Even when you are put on hold there is noise, an advertisement or music to avoid silence.  All around us there are voices.  It’s no wonder we can’t hear The Lord’s.  We are married to the world and its pulls, and divorced from the divine and its providence.  We are busy being busy.

Kerith (Cherith) comes from the Hebrew root meaning to cut away, or cut off.  God sometimes has to cut some things off, but He will make sure that we have the sustenance, the brook and the food that we need.  God can, however, also dry the brook up so that our dependence is solely on Him.   The dry brook is code for suffering, loneliness and being thirsty.  A tall glass of lemonade never looked so good as when you’re thirsty.  I’m just sayin.’  But the fresh squeezed will be so much better than the Crystal Light if we wait on God’s timing and don’t settle.  Value the hiding.  It feels like we’re being weakened but we’re being strengthened.  Schedule your hiding: in the morning when you wake up, at night before you go to bed, during your drive, or on a walk.  He sees us and He’s got us no matter what.  Instead of complaining and losing faith, we are to seek God through prayer, reading, service, and worship.

“You will seek me and find me when you seek with your whole heart.”

Jeremiah 29:13

 

 

Someone once said if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.  But what if you fail to use your planner?  So far I have purchased four fancy ones, and countless accessories, but haven’t used any of them.  On the contrary, a dropped post-it note or the back of a bill envelope could very well read like my autobiography if found by a stranger. And so began my quest to get more organized.

“What grown tail woman still plays with stickers?” I remember thinking upon first discovering the task tracking trend, The Happy Planner while on a trip to Target.  Clearly many a woman.  In 2016,  it was last documented that 342.7 million in U.S. dollars were spent on appointment books and paper planners annually.  They vary in length (daily, weekly, monthly), format (dated or undated), size (pocket to purse size) and purpose (functional or creative). Trying to decide with so many choices made me more anxious than happy.  Digital planners are also an option, but there’s something about manually crossing things off of a to do list that seems to, well– do it for people.  Research shows that writing, as opposed to typing one’s schedule makes a person feel more engaged.  Well no wonder I’m single (ba dum tsss!).  Seriously, my lack of commitment to this creative calendar craze has in fact proven “date” less, forgetting obligations and missing meetings.  Without defined direction, I have been unfaithful to my dreams.

In considering the reason why I seem to purchase pretty planners, but don’t put them into practice I concluded that it’s because I’m a perfectionist.  I don’t want to mess them up.  I also made the big mistake of looking at other people’s planners on Instagram.  Murder she wrote; comparison killed what was left of my aspirations.  Just like the actual implementation of real life plans, I can get so fixated on doing things right or as well as others that I don’t do anything at all.  The key is to trust in the planner, and try our best (2 Chronicles 15:7).

You can’t tell me that God isn’t a planner; He strategically took 7 days to make the world, 9 months to form a baby, and 4 seasons to guide agriculture.  Then there’s the phases of the moon and the life cycle of butterflies.  Hot flashes are a reminder if ever there were one, to make reservations for heaven rather than risk the heat of hell.  I’m joking of course (sort of), but The Lord’s layout of our lives is better than we could ever arrange or even imagine.  His theme for us is eternity.  Sure, we sometimes wish He could pencil in less problems, and more money, but the ink of His pen is incredible.  He is so trustworthy.  His timing really is everything, it just isn’t ours.  But if we seek His purpose for us, put in the work and as my grandmother used to say “take one step,” He will surely take two.  And the first step for me?  Write in my planner!

“Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed.”

Proverbs 16:3

The worst pain is self-inflicted.

I’ve said things before that I shouldn’t have said. I’ve done things that I shouldn’t’ve. I’ve even laughed inappropriately, awkwardly out of nervousness. I’ve been angry, embarrassed, humiliated. I’ve gone against the will, the plan for my life. I’ve had free will, yet chose the most costly. I’ve hit rock bottom. But at least it wasn’t on display for the whole world to see. We are in a season, however, when one man’s actions are.

Every spring, The Ten Commandments movie airs the laundry of Moses:
In Land of Goshen Egypt, born and raised
In the wilderness is where he spent most of his days
Chillin out, relaxin, floatin’ in a pool
His sister flipped the script; the story is kinda cool
When Pharaoh the King, who was up to no good
Started makin’ trouble in the neighborhood…

You know ’em. Basketweave-born, burnin’ bush, breakin’ the stone tablets Moses. He had a hard knock life from the jump. And yet for all that was stacked against him, for all of his faults, God had a purpose for his life and those around him. If Moses were one of my students, “impulsive, but has leadership ability” would definitely be in the comments section of his report card. His Parent Teacher Conferences would no doubt include conversation about potential, amidst his investigating fires, instigating fights, but not always following instructions, “He has passion and promise, but at times lacks self control and compliance.”

If Moses were on a team, his jersey number would be 40. He eventually grew up to be a captain of sorts. Everybody in his hometown had a lot of kids. A lot. So many, that when a new king came into power he made them slaves out of fear that if a war broke out, they might organize and threaten him and his kingdom. The more the king mistreated them, however, the more the Egyptians multiplied. The king then ordered that all boys be killed, but God spared Moses in arguably the best plot twist ever written. Pharaoh’s own daughter was the life preserver that rescued and removed Moses from the Nile River. Later in life he would go on to do other great things with water, but ultimately made a slip that would cost him. Moses led two million of his people through plagues and problems, wandering in the wilderness for 40 years. More than a triple threat, he was an author, lawgiver, prophet, and mediator. He responded to God’s anger at the people for their hard headedness and short term memories. He reacted to the people’s complaining. He reacted to their criticism of his character. He snapped. Literally and figuratively. He broke the stone tablets with God’s laws in half. And when told by God to speak to a rock in order to pour out water and satisfy the people’s thirst, he disobeyed and instead hit the rock.

In an instant, his celebrity, his popularity, his endorsement deal were all called into question. He was forbidden to enter The Promised Land.

Whether it was a knee jerk reaction to the people trippin'(you’ve got to watch the movie): partying, heckling, slandering, and rebelling against him and God, or a final reaction to stress, Moses was disobedient. He did something he shouldn’t have. God therefore issued a major punishment, a hard place. What He didn’t do, is reject Moses. Moses disqualified himself. Even the greatest, most talented people are not immune to error or its consequence. But God still used him. And He wants to use you and I too.

When all of the headlines of our lives: our family, friends, and foes– see and say that we’re wrong, less than, or even too much, God simply sees us as his children and declares us not guilty. He offers us freedom from our mistakes. He stood up for us by way of the cross and still gave us the reward of salvation. God knows our personalities. Moses was always a reactor, and some of us have always been the way we are. But God can take who we are, our strengths and weaknesses and mold them until they’re right for His purpose.

I’ve spent a lifetime trying to change and use my abilities for man. But now I just want God to use me for His will.

“Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

Romans 8:1