I should be sitting in the airport right now. Giddy with excitement a major understatement, I wouldn’t even mind standing in a winding security line–as long as my on time, taking off as scheduled, fun flight to Jamaica for my birthday was happening.
But it’s not.
It’s been canceled.
A lot like my faith.
This entire website, my ministry, the books, my wanting to write for a living, and at times if I’m honest life in general has felt canceled.
In the words of Langston Hughes, “Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.” Instead it’s been more like one covered in ice, leading to a slide equally covered with gorilla glue. I struggle to climb up, sit there feeling on top for a minute, then get let down, only to run around and try all over again. At the same time in this day and age of social media, I, like so many others, create accounts to literally put my best face (foot) forward. I take an average of 3-4 of the same selfie just to get the right one. Pre-pandemic I would post my adventures with the hashtag, “The FABulous Summer” to camouflage the fact that I was unhappy and hated the never-ending season of singleness. As hard as I’ve tried, I can’t seem to learn the secret to being content. I’m tired of taking the course and want to withdraw altogether. It’s embarrassing to come across old blogs and journal entries proving that unlike my fluctuating weight, my personal life hasn’t changed. It would be easy to point a finger at the men, but the common denominator is me. Reduced to its simplest form, I keep settling for a fraction of exceedingly and abundantly above. Actually ridiculously way beneath. I think the problem might be my lack of total faith in the true Pilot. Do you struggle with putting your complete trust in God?
Welcome aboard.
The signs are always there; I just tend to ignore them. Does this sound familiar? I know that my “carry on” isn’t the right size, but I desperately hold on. I try to hide it, or fool myself when it’s obvious that a relationship is not the right fit. The baggage though cute, is in the way, takes up space and makes the travel experience less comfortable. I then look around, wanting assistance to help me lift my burden. The Word (bible) of caution against it wasn’t to take anything away or hinder my fun, but to prevent a safety hazard in the first place; to protect me from the falling of objects I’ve placed above, and remove potential stumbling blocks. But time and time again, I ultimately end up dragging the unnecessary with me to my destination.
Baggage claimed.
This is where I usually insert some clever use of scripture. Cast all your luggage on the Lord etc. My intent is not blasphemous, but an attempt to make sense of what doesn’t. The reality is things don’t always go the way I want. I’m not where I thought I would be at this age. God’s changing of the itinerary is often frustrating. My not having control of the plane can be scary.
No matter where I am, I am blessed. Remembering this and remaining grateful is like an air traffic control that grounds me. God has a plan. For the life of me, I don’t always understand it. But God says that He knows and that the plan is to prosper and not to harm me, to give me a hope, and a future” Jeremiah 29:11 NIV. That’s all I got. And really, that’s all you or I need to carry with us.
You are now free to move about the cabin.
“You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do.” Psalm 139:3 NLT
